tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70940961357089559752024-02-21T06:53:10.200-08:00Fallouts.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-61228064726102389612012-01-07T01:27:00.000-08:002012-01-07T01:27:51.372-08:00drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all i need : seconda parte.your heart is kept in a box that's locked up in the attic with cobwebs and skeletons as decorations and a list of preferences written on a piece of paper sticky taped on the top of it. white, wide and elongated. not superficial, fake or fabricated. and of course, a smile to compliment her scent. the best grocery list ever made by the humblest human being ever known to man.<br />
<br />
when you say something, you really mean it yeah ? even if you don't, they could still see that you're trying. and if it's true, it means that you're just being mean. if you really mean what you said that is. if they can't comprehend a single thing you say, fuck their thought for their thoughts are whores. if you don't care about something, only say it once. if you keep saying it and wait for their response, you're just being too caring.<br />
<br />
don't you ever care what they say because to care more about yourself than others is not selfishness, it's just being sensible. and don't ever listen to them if they ask you to be yourself for you should be whoever you want to be. you be the judge whether that person is yourself or someone else. that'll make you happy. always remember that obligations lead to deprivation. and yeah, never be bright kiddo, be golden. :)ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-78999929609098511252011-11-05T08:58:00.000-07:002011-11-05T08:58:24.807-07:00if life is an auction and conscience is the item, angels and demons would be the bidders.<div style="text-align: center;">for my mistakes are nothing but a curse.</div><div style="text-align: center;">for a curse explains this lousy streak of bad luck.</div><div style="text-align: center;">nonetheless, 'bad luck' would be the most pathetic excuse.</div><div style="text-align: center;">it is not my time now, not yet at least.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">there are no locked doors in this place I call home.</div><div style="text-align: center;">but there are windows that spell 'opportunities'</div><div style="text-align: center;">and endless hallways with no light fixtures.</div><div style="text-align: center;">if I'm no where to be found, you shouldn't panic.<br />
I might just be up in the attic, passing time gazing at the stars.</div><div style="text-align: center;"> preoccupied with my trusty telescope.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">an ungrateful sinner's life is like a colourless kaleidoscope.</div><div style="text-align: center;">no matter how much he turns all he sees are shades of grey.</div><div style="text-align: center;">shades of grey that cloud his judgement.</div><div style="text-align: center;">for this brings the devil himself a sense of excitement.<br />
<br />
p.s.: I've come to my senses, that I've become senseless.</div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-77670400256619080072011-10-24T09:53:00.000-07:002011-10-24T09:53:28.526-07:00Octopussies.<div style="text-align: center;">his fiery eyes set me on fire</div><div style="text-align: center;">as I profusely perspire gasoline.</div><div style="text-align: center;">a voice that desires to inspire</div><div style="text-align: center;">with gestures that are rather obscene.</div><div style="text-align: center;">thanks for changing my life,</div><div style="text-align: center;">thanks for keeping me clean.</div><div style="text-align: center;">thanks for the meaningful night,</div><div style="text-align: center;">and thanks for appearing in my dreams.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">the tale of October will be written in history.</div><div style="text-align: center;">it's never the destination it will always be the journey.</div><div style="text-align: center;">a tale of falling down and growing up.</div><div style="text-align: center;">a journey of self-discovery without a doubt.</div><div style="text-align: center;">it took me months to find inner peace</div><div style="text-align: center;">and to mend all those broken pieces.</div><div style="text-align: center;">and for the seventh time I've told you that I'm done.<br />
have faith in me, this time I won't run.<br />
I have found my reason.<br />
<br />
p.s.: I did change for the worst.<br />
but ironically things got better.<br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-9518798897356885502011-08-07T06:31:00.000-07:002011-08-07T06:31:01.789-07:00stranger than fiction.<div style="text-align: center;">my brain is working at the speed of light</div><div style="text-align: center;">but until now nothing is conceived.</div><div style="text-align: center;">i am too much of a coward to fight,</div><div style="text-align: center;">to fight for the things i said i believe.</div><div style="text-align: center;">i am like a puppy. -when you throw i will retrieve.</div><div style="text-align: center;">i am like a sinner. -i cheat, i lie, i deceive.</div><div style="text-align: center;">i have masochistic thoughts over such simplistic issues.</div><div style="text-align: center;">i am the crosses you are the noughts.</div><div style="text-align: center;">i despise novels but i wish to read you.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">i fell apart, broken down<br />
into a quadrillion microscopic pieces.</div><div style="text-align: center;">disintegrate and dematerialize without reason.<br />
i have a low self-esteem,<br />
i'll shy away from your shadows.<br />
i am not as tough as i seem,<br />
i am nothing more than a blunted arrow.<br />
i am a bearer of negativity.<br />
i am the king of contradiction.<br />
a world with endless possibilities<br />
is a realm stranger than fiction.<br />
<br />
</div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-7392088113310742182011-07-03T11:52:00.000-07:002011-07-03T11:52:27.034-07:00why should I change for the better when I can change for the worse ?<div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">for those who had fallen.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">they are nothing but weeds in a garden,<br />
they are soon to be forgotten.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">but its in your hands, your judgement</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">and if ever you have the power,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">you would've mustered all your might to lift the curse.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">"never lose hope my friend"</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">I said ironically.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">I'm sure he'll resurface eventually.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">mother once said.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">"always be grateful in life my son"</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">she carried on with another one.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">"dear, you'll never know when it will end"</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">when she finished I nodded,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">I smiled and I pretended.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">now I know better.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">being away taught me a thing or two.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">if you're not here then you might not have a clue.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">to stand up on your own and sometimes for others,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">to live a quiet life without my brother.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">if you're that lively then you shouldn't be bothered</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">and if I'm writing letters my days would be numbered.<br />
if I don't talk so much<br />
I would've made it less awkward.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;"><br />
sweetest dreams and sweetest waves.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">my most profound thoughts scatter,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">pieces from back then to just now</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">flew like cut up papers in the presence of a hurricane.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">call me grounded, call me insane,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">I still do have those dreams.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">but this time around its a wee bit brighter</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">and coloured with a few different characters.<br />
<br />
give me cigarettes give me cocaine.<br />
give me a beating if it matches the pain.<br />
then tell me what it takes to be the greatest lover<br />
or show me how to commit the perfect murder.<br />
don't ask me why or even wonder.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">I just know I changed for the worse<br />
and never felt better.</div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-25506635742079082462011-06-24T12:46:00.000-07:002011-06-24T12:46:42.489-07:00why should we change for the better when we can change for the worse ?<div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">of loyalty and friendship,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">those were the days when we thought we have it,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">a gift that we thought we'd keep forever,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">a loosened tie that is bound to be severed.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">the true purpose of your past</div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">is just to fill up photo albums,</div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">or maybe to occupy the back of your mind.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div></div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">some things are meant to be cherished</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">and not to be re-lived.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">and if it is ever brought up</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">calmly smile and say,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">"I felt genuinely happy that day".</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">walk out the front door with a new pair of shoes</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">when you're out to make new ones</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">underneath the bright midnight neon suns.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">like civilisations we spread,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">we form new alliances and build new bridges.<br />
it was not an act of betrayal,<br />
not by the gentle giant towards the angry midget.<br />
it just shows that they grow.<br />
and when the crow starts mimicking,<br />
the parrot turns ugly.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">and on that point onwards<br />
your world would be in shambles.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">it is inevitable.<br />
that's what you need to comprehend.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">to love and to grow out of love,<br />
to befriend and to fight,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">to hold your head up high,<br />
to fall and to cry all night,</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">to observe with my very own eyes<br />
and to write this poem as I wonder why.</div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-4340104000875536572011-05-21T07:05:00.000-07:002011-05-21T07:05:39.028-07:00drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all i need.for the past 5 months, I've been moaning, groaning, whining, shouting and rambling for one particular reason -to get on with my life. my life was stagnant, static and far from fantastic but now my life is epic. *smile* three words. "i love college". or maybe four words. "i fucking love college". what more can i say ? college cures heartbreak, college makes you popular, college colours a dull life, college encourages me to be outgoing.<br />
<br />
however, my college life is not like that stereotypical and over-exaggerated college life. in oppose to that song from Asher Roth, i don't go to parties, i don't drink and smoke weed all night, i don't pass out drunk, i don't play beer pong and dance my ass off till i get a girl completely naked. but lets change those ''don'ts" to "haven'ts". so I'm not just saying 'not' it's more of a 'not yet'. get it ? nahh, I'm just kidding. but not for the last one though.<br />
<br />
since I'm already moving on with life i can safely say that i am contented with my life. contentment. and elusive state for kids nowadays who always want more in life. well, try to expect less and in that way you'll receive more. then you'll be contented with what you have. I'm pretty pleased with my so-called college life. its not wild and rowdy but i sure am having fun. sleeping and waking up early is fun. pillow talks with my house mates is fun. getting beaten at 'marvel vs capcom' isn't that fun, but it'll be fun once i own them. having a large group of friends in campus is fun too. oh well, I'm just grateful with what i have now. till then.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-57662269498704084382011-05-10T07:17:00.000-07:002011-05-10T07:17:56.574-07:00as told by Ginger.<i>"someone once told me the grass is much greener on the other side"</i>. -the theme song for the cartoon show 'As Told by Ginger'. its unfortunate that i was only eight when this show was aired. that was even before Ben Tennyson is conceived by his parents. i was straight up Tom & Jerry and Scooby Doo that time. life was simple and colourful. i miss those warm and cuddly days. ahh well. i shall stop talking about cartoons and my childhood. i'm not in the mood to shed some nostalgic tears. anyways, about that line from the theme song. i'm virtually on the other side now. *grinning as if i'm showing off my geek version of 'grills'*. but the grass is not much greener and to be honest theres hardly any grass on the other side. just gravels and pavements and concrete walls. but who cares about how green the grass is when the ladies are so much prettier on the other side. word. :) and yeah, i know that line is a metaphor. i'm not that dumb. till then.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-30844063892423327102011-05-01T23:00:00.000-07:002011-05-01T23:00:00.387-07:00dear Past, i now live in the present.i wanna make one thing clear regarding my previous post. that post is for those who are friends in my Facebook page as i posted the link of it there and not to those who are not or are invisible to me. i decided to write again after a few incidents that doesn't involve you. dear Past, i don't hate you. what i posted a few months ago is just to make you go away for good. sorry for being over-dramatic that time and my apologies if you think my recent post was indirectly for you. its not. though we follow each other's blog i don't read yours anymore and i really thought that you don't even bother about mine. read this and carry on with whatever you're doing as this is the last post ever to be directed to you. i'll promise you that.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-65965405073553429842011-04-30T05:01:00.000-07:002011-04-30T05:01:43.082-07:00"i don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it"hey lets just randomly talk about Facebook. yes, the almighty Facebook. the Facebook that Assbook worships to. personally to me, Facebook is at times amusing. check this. someone posted a status about how she hates this other girl.<b> "<i>you bitch, i fucking hate you i wish you would just jump off a building or something and just fucking die</i>"</b>. call me sick but i find this amusing. not just amusing, i find it fucking amusing.<br />
<br />
you know why i'm so amused ? first of all, theres irony in their statements. those statements are made to degrade and smear shit on his or her target of hatred. little do they now, theres always a person like me who degrades them for being a total prick, a coward, disrespectful, shameful and plain stupid. second of all, why just wish them to die ? go ahead and fucking kill them if you really do loathe them to that extent. like dung beetles fighting over a pile of dung. at the end of the day the only thing they get is just a pile of dung.<br />
<br />
one thing us rational people need to understand is that a statement means nothing if there is no reaction towards it. a Facebook status means nothing if no one 'likes' it or post a comment under it. i'll break it down for you, theres two sides to this. the individuals who agrees with the statement so that they can be good friends to that slightly uneducated person and kiss his or her ass all day long versus the individuals who are against it. i really don't want to elaborate on the first group but let me talk about the second.<br />
<br />
hear me out rational people out there. the individuals who are against these malicious statements are basically true friends. its that simple. if you want to differentiate between fake friends and true friends ask another true friend to post a fake malicious statement about you on Facebook. those who back you up are true friends and those who just don't give a damn are fake ones. well, if you're reading this and goes -"really'' ? i'd say you're dumb. even five year olds nowadays can identify sarcasm.<br />
<br />
during my over-dramatic days i would take a bullet for my friend. but now in my i'm-cool-and-rational days i would willingly pull them out of a fight if they're in any. thats just me.. i guess. it baffles me people. is bad mouthing and arguing with someone a noble action of 'backing up your friend' ? and does it make you cool or something to publicly humiliate someone and degrade them with an array of disrespectful words? your tongue might be the dagger and i might be bleeding but come on people. have some self-respect and maturity. you guys reminds me of some13 year old snots who just found out the meaning of the word 'bitch'. hence, i dub this post as <b>"i don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it"</b>. though i'm very much livid with these people, i'm still amused to be a spectator in this ever changing world of drama. till then.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-49547989896311694762011-04-26T10:31:00.000-07:002011-04-26T10:31:56.336-07:00go away from my window, leave at your chosen speed.I haven't been posting for awhile because of a simple fact that I just have no idea what to write about. to write about myself and my life is pretty pointless I guess. but its okay. I bet there is someone who would write about me as soon as I execute my elaborate plan to obliterate the bare existence of human being. ha ha. *snapping back to reality* lately I've been having these sudden appreciation towards some elements in life that I often overlook. small things. yeah, those little things that are taken for granted. I guess I'm having a quarter life crisis.<br />
<br />
I'm turning 18 this year and to reach my quarter life crisis right now would mean that I'll be dead when I'm approximately 72. by then I could have 14 grandchild and 5 kids to help me rule this cruel world. okay, enough about that. this sudden surge of emotions made me think about what I am, what I have and what I don't have. well, I found the reason why I shouldn't complain and the reason why I should be grateful.<br />
<br />
I have a mom. I have a dad. I have friends. I eat well. I oversleep luxuriously. I'm not disabled. I can think. I can sing. I can dance. you got the point. I bet you guys would already use the 'C' word by now. cliche or not just take some time to think about it. I've seen a person who has no family, slightly deranged, doesn't eat that properly, sleep on a bed of card box and can't even sing or dance. I can say that he doesn't have friends too because he can't either sing or dance. I'm pretty sure he would be grateful to have your lives. I'm sure your lives are pretty decent too if you're able to read this.<br />
<br />
please don't get me wrong. I would want more in my life too. a car of my own so I could take a girl out on a date or take my friends out on a road trip while singing along to Dylan. a closet full of new clothes so I wont be spotted wearing the same old shirt and pants again and again. a perfectly loving family so that won't have to wonder whats it like to have one. a person who would be my better half and supports me so that I won't just flail if I fall down the ledge. but there is more to life than all those. I guess this is a part of growing up. a grown up person sucks it up and doesn't complain but I doubt I'm even close to that. till then.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-9699604212794259642011-04-04T05:22:00.000-07:002011-04-04T05:22:53.926-07:00the story of my life is not the story of the year.tossed and turned, flew and fell, truth and lies, laughs and cries. yeah I'm tired. as entrancing as life may be i found myself lost in psychedelia. I'm pretty much dead actually. okay, there is no need for over-dramatics. you know, even stress free life is stressful when you're 17 and a half. to be honest, sleeping when everyone else get out of bed and waking up while everyone else is enjoying their tea isn't that fun. there is never a big smile on my face and once again Mr.Ritter lied to me. I'm sure you guys would say I'm a bitch for complaining. but do give a try walking in my snug fitting shoes.<br />
<br />
I'm a lazy eater. when i step in the kitchen i tend to take everything at once so that i don't have to make several trips. though i never dropped anything in the kitchen before, the likelihood of me dropping a plate of rice while opening the fridge to grab some drinks is pretty high. such a bad habit. now look what happened in my real life. not metaphorically speaking, i juggled everything and that everything that i juggled fell. oh yeah, no over-dramatics. not everything fell apart but it doesn't feel right when there are some elements missing. they always say life's a bitch. well, life is not a bitch. you are.<br />
<br />
110 meter hurdles. i guess there are 10 hurdles in that race. oh i don't know, I'm more to swimming rather than track and field. but all i know is we progress. we jump hurdles (or sometimes run through it). in between the hurdles we run. then we finish the race. doesn't that sound like life? i ran and jumped a couple hurdles along the way but i unfortunately clipped the next one and almost stumbled. but hey, the race goes on and I'll finish it.<br />
<br />
as in for now, i don't feel like thinking about anything or caring about anyone anymore. ha ha being over dramatic is kinda fun. no wonder they do it a lot. but yeah, i don't give a damn about those non-important things anymore. i posted some negative stuffs about friends, a former love, some fishes and some trees. I'm taking it back. not because of guilt but because you guys are not important anymore. should have realized this a few months ago but who cares. even Obama makes mistakes. but really, if you feel like i'm not giving much care to you don't feel bad. you're just less or not important to me.<br />
<br />
and all of these being said, i'll take some time off from writing. face it, i'm not that good anyways. okay, maybe i'm alright but i score zero points for creativity. that cancels out some positives right ? so this would be the last post B.H.(before hiatus). i'll be back when i have an array of ideas that i could spit out through my keyboard. since that won't be soon i'll wish you guys a prosperous life and the best of luck. goodbye.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-23122009052090589312011-03-24T04:47:00.000-07:002011-03-24T04:47:50.377-07:00the birth of a star, the death of a dream.the day we've all been waiting for had passed. for some who did cry tears of joy i would like you guys to know that you guys are truly deserving no matter how much we played around during our time back then. for those who cried tears of sorrow, do take it easy. this thing that everyone claimed to be life-altering is in fact life-altering. but no matter how much your life is altered, your life would never be defined by it. there is always another opportunity for you to blossom as your life unfolds.<br />
<br />
paranoia was everyone's middle name the day before. but numbness was mine. coming back as someone who graduated was almost nostalgic. <i>"you remember when we use to do all those crazy shit back there?"</i> i said a few times. no, i don't and i won't miss the place. but I'll always remember what we did. like the day we tried to take Jazli Masri's pants off. and that time when they ripped my pants open on my birthday -for two consecutive years. not to forget the infamous free haircuts that we'll escape and laugh to the ones who got it. ha ha.<br />
<br />
oh yeah, i did fairly well. never did have a certain target or any form of expectations for myself. i made it clear that whatever the outcome is i will accept it with no regrets and if its not good, I'll make myself feel good anyways. but I'm pretty much contented now. could've done better but at that time, i did my best. zero regrets. what made me really happy was the fact that as a whole, we kicked major ass. some of us are legendary. we're fucking legends now. well.. not really. just a few of us are. which excludes me.<br />
<br />
yesterday was Wednesday and not a Thursday but more importantly yesterday was a turning point for me. when these strung out individuals said we'll die that day some might say they're over reacting. but they ain't far off. i died and taste the sweetness of rebirth. its a clean slate right now. as far as I'm concerned I'm in good terms with everyone that i care about. not everyone, but everyone that i care about. the fall out, the drama , the feud and the everything else that's negative is thrown out of the window. it feels great to really start a new chapter in my life. as for the previous one. it's over. it's finally over.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-52708704185185702912011-03-21T00:58:00.000-07:002011-03-21T00:58:36.240-07:00Don't you think I'm pretty when I stand on top this bright lit city?another cigarette and I'm so bored your words aren't making sense. yes you. I'm speaking to you who inhabit my mind. you whine, you moan, you stutter, you blabber and you're bugging me out of my bed. the sickest part about you is the fact that you're so indecisive. i hate uncertainties and a patient man i am not. whatever it is that's going on at that time in my life you'll scream it at my face from inside out. a fucking thousand decibel straight at me. if i ever decide to speak you out I'd be as good as a sitting duck in Libya waiting for freaking bombs from the Allies. you never make sense. you make me over think things and you severely damaged my sleeping pattern.<br />
<br />
I'm over that issue last year, and the issue that came afterwards and that issue last month. i don't feel bad about anything and hold no grudges. but please, no more thoughts and dreams and unnecessary reminders. all i want now is to move and move on. I'm not sure if I'll look pretty but I'll definitely look epic when i stand on top this bright lit city. well, not this city though. spent 17 years in it and it ain't bright lit anymore. the fat man is tired of eating burgers to pass the time. the fat man longs for a bowl of slaw now. not converting or being drastic. he just feel like having something else for a change. its about time. no voices or thoughts will stand on his way.<br />
<br />
for all you minorities who actually read this and all the previous posts that i made. thank you. but i won't ever publicise something that is personal in the name of 'expressing my inner feelings' anymore. though i write about myself most of the time, there won't be anymore personal drama and issues that I'll discuss here directly or subliminally. no more cheesy poems, no more drop dead expressions and no more immaturity. I've grown up. I'm not gonna waste these words to make others feel bad, I'm not gonna waste these words to make myself vulnerable, I'm not gonna waste these words utter that senseless thoughts in my head for others to read and I'm not gonna waste these words about a girl.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-66826177959094321152011-03-18T09:09:00.000-07:002011-03-18T09:09:33.507-07:00Finally.It is almost time.I've crossed my fingers till I can't cross no more.I'm sane enough to know that airplanes or even shooting stars won't grant me any wishes.I know that I'm stable enough to face the outcome.I know that I'm rational enough to not set a standard for myself.I know that I'll work harder this time around and whatever the outcome may be I know that I'll progress.This is not just my time, this is my fucking time.I know I'm ready to embark and I'm aware that I need luck.So I shall raise my glass high and wish myself luck."Good luck Ariff, may your wildest dreams be tamed and your sweetest fantasy come true".ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-69032728242061579092011-03-15T05:07:00.000-07:002011-03-15T05:07:14.975-07:00"you said I must eat so many lemons, 'cause i'm so bitter"<div style="text-align: center;">a vacant fully furnished house,</div><div style="text-align: center;">an aspiring team of kids,</div><div style="text-align: center;">a fire inside that can't be doused,</div><div style="text-align: center;"> a perfect time to make that bid,</div><div style="text-align: center;">another breath, another chance,</div><div style="text-align: center;">another look, another glance,</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'll cry but I am still a man,</div><div style="text-align: center;">and I'll laugh off all those fake romance.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">if I could dream I would be me,</div><div style="text-align: center;">'cause lately I'm not the one I see,</div><div style="text-align: center;">reflections are just rays of light,</div><div style="text-align: center;">a medium that enables sight,</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm seeing nothing at the end of the tunnel,</div><div style="text-align: center;">but with or without it I'll be taking flight.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">the dreadful thing that blurs the lines,</div><div style="text-align: center;">between what is wrong and what is fine,</div><div style="text-align: center;">not fated destined or intertwined,</div><div style="text-align: center;">to flambe' without the dark red wine,</div><div style="text-align: center;">as memories will soon delete,</div><div style="text-align: center;">and moments will always be an epic feat.</div><div style="text-align: center;">to be slaved by experience</div><div style="text-align: center;">is of wisdom and brilliance.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">all in all I'm still contented,</div><div style="text-align: center;">those unwanted issues that i prevented,</div><div style="text-align: center;">my rusty mailbox will be left dented,</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm a nice lad but i pretended,</div><div style="text-align: center;">now set the cannon at a new trajectory,</div><div style="text-align: center;">then I'll paint my hair red literally,</div><div style="text-align: center;">and i'll take things easy, plain and simply,</div><div style="text-align: center;">but fuck me i'm all out of enemies.</div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-71424326810044140022011-03-11T06:18:00.000-08:002011-03-11T06:18:06.840-08:00"we have a greed with which we have agreed"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">as he said, "she was the wrong girl" and "he was the wrong man". a tale of lies and confusion that was not purposely created as a form of fulfillment. it was rather a mistake. I've said it already and I'll say it again. a mistake. when a well structured young man meets a young lady with similar stature and decided to get married and start a family the outcome would be catastrophic. a young lad that they call son is rather a different one. a totally different outlook on life and living things. a whole new perception towards the thing we call 'human contact' and by choice led a different life that emphasize the 'needs' and tuned out the 'wants'. money is not everything and it will never compensate the lack of love in one's family. there's so much someone could learn from a book but life lessons can be obtained from anywhere. that movie managed to change the way i think.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Christoper Johnson McCandless was a traveler, a seeker, an extremist, a son and a soul that was lost in the wild. he escaped comfort and security so that he could live on the edge and be free. be free from literally everything. when someone said "i want to be free" i don't think they really mean it. a piece of their past will still be there, glued to his or her heart and by that he or she won't be as free. tied to the past that they call tomorrow while at the same time claiming that looking ahead to the future is so yesterday. the idea of stripping down everything else other than the clothes you're wearing and some basic necessities is pretty extreme but liberating. liberation. that's the word. setting yourself free from the disease they call 'society' that no penicillin would restrain. the desire to fit in, the tendency to be different so that he or she would be looked up upon, the strain of dramas as well as the obligation to protect one's feelings. sick. i feel sick. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong."</i> said McCandless. its like a breath of fresh air to find a quotation that i could use and practice rather than those quotes they use to make themselves look superior though those quotes doesn't really mean anything. the past seems hard for me to just shrug off. its safe to say that my future seems like one big past. but I've learned a lot. things just happen. like all the decisions we made, the lives we touched or touched by, tears of sorrow or happiness that fell and all those laughter. they just happen. don't live by memories, live by moments. time would never wait for a dickhead like me. its about time i start living and not just breathing. I'll live my life, live my dreams, make my rules and my own scene. its about time i have to stop just being strong and start feeling strong.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">the movie ended with McCandless dying out of hunger as he escaped society to live his solitary life in Alaska. he ran out of food and failed to hunt for game. he was alone and there was no turning back. snow turned to dirt and streams turned into monstrous rivers. he died with a smile on his face. in desperation to seek some form of nutrition he realised how much family and friends means to him and how wrong it is to try to be someone else just to escape. 'Into The Wild' is based on the true story of Christopher Johnson McCandless that went by the name of 'Alexander Supertramp' to leave his boxed up life by travelling all over the states to reach his goal that was in Alaska. his purity, wisdom and vision will be an inspiration. till then.</span></span><br />
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</span></span>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-63737509755918945152011-03-04T21:38:00.000-08:002011-03-04T21:38:26.650-08:00sorry, sorry, 'cause i'm not sorry.its kind of a normal thing for me right now if a song creates an urge for me to write something down. its probably because i take every single word they wrote seriously. though its different now, my receptors will still send those impulses to my brain but my brain will not transmit anymore weirded out signals. lately I've been listening to a song from a band called D.R.U.G.S. called <b>'I'm here to take the sky' </b>which really really hits the spot. the song is almost perfect.<br />
<br />
<blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><b>"I'm gonna live my life and my dreams.<br />
I'm gonna make my rules, my own scenes.<br />
<br />
I'm gonna live my life, take chances.<br />
Full of hope and new romances.<br />
Sorry, sorry, I'm not sorry."</b></span></span></blockquote><br />
the most obvious 'hopeful' piece of the song that is rather cliche. a piece of lyric that makes it unrealistic and irrational if i ever decide to live by. but it could be a great start to something new though. the makeshift video for this song shows a group of close friends having fun at a bowling alley celebrating a birthday. if you know me better, you would say its ironic that i like the song and the video and I'm like that. its the larger half of percentage on how opposite everything I've said and whats really going on right now actually.<br />
<br />
i found myself running away from everything. music is pretty much my escape and random activities with random people beats having fake fun with fake individuals. i would rather not have that much fun and be less exciting than having to face the fact that i'm living in a lie. but why am i even ranting ? well, the prospect of me leaving my hometown is brighter than the break of dawn but uncertain like the stars at night. send me your best wishes so if they say the sky is the limit, i would build a bridge up to it. and i'm sorry 'cause i don't feel sorry at all. till then.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-40993591871666405802011-03-03T10:13:00.000-08:002011-03-03T10:13:10.576-08:00save the earth save your soul save yourself.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/UDJ2fjQFMG0?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>'Jonny Sniper' by Enter Shikari</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><br />
</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>"this is a quest to save the world and we'll always be here for another, another day another chance to rescue"</b></div><br />
if you decide to check the video out and listen to the song, you might not understand some of the words they uttered as they are brits and brits have that accent of theirs. the quotation above is a part of the song. its about the earth crying out and telling us to behave and not to be destructive. another day another chance to rescue. but the earth is on the brink of a catastrophic destruction as the days pass. the word malice is an understatement if someone chose to associate it with us humans. save the earth.<br />
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well,it wasn't my intention to preach about the environment. I'd be a hypocrite. i litter, i use a massive amount of electrical energy everyday, i waste water and the most I've done for the environment was the act of turning off the lights in my household once a year for an hour and spotting a 'WWF' t-shirt once in a while.okay, that's enough about the environment. now about sex. Jonny Sniper is a actually a fictional character in a sex education video that shoots condoms out of a sniper rifle. I'm not sure what relates Jonny with the environment but do protect yourselves. there wont be any accidental and unwanted babies when your Jonny wears a cap. save yourself.<br />
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this song shares a certain element that a few other songs possess. that vibe that could make someone feel better. that vibe that could make me feel better. lets put this in a larger context. music can make a big impact in one's life. I've seen countless people claiming that music is everything to them and they can't live without music and stuffs like that. it baffles me when these same people resorted to substances and alcohol to drown their sorrows. why ? drowning your sorrows isn't in the list of 'everything' ? at the end of the day, everyone is miserable. for some it might be harder and for some it might be easier. its just the way you're handling it. music and lyrics made my life better. if you want to do anything in life do it with all the right reasons. to drown sorrows isn't the right reason to drink and use. save your soul.ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-12495290274161897992011-02-22T04:07:00.000-08:002011-02-22T04:07:51.855-08:00i'm fully alive.<div style="text-align: center;"><b>brand new eyes with brand new lies.</b><br />
<b>I'm barely breathing but fully alive,</b><br />
<b>like gravity and everything else that she defies,</b><br />
<b>you take the plunge I'll take the dive.</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>a calming stroll into the abyss,</b><br />
<b>with promises to be fair and careful,</b><br />
<b>as what was was is now is,</b><br />
<b>its always been my policy to be pure and faithful.</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>heartache is the fuel that feeds the feud,</b><br />
<b>I'll head north after everything went south,</b><br />
<b>submitted, succumbed and subdued,</b><br />
<b>from slanders to rumours to words of mouth.</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>the world is pretty much at war,</b><br />
<b>the prospect of peace is just theoretical,</b><br />
<b>those battleships only attack from afar,</b><br />
<b>as soldiers are sometimes hypocritical.</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>immaturity, ego and selfishness,</b><br />
<b>I'll go with selfish any day of the week,</b><br />
<b>tolerance, patience and passiveness,</b><br />
<b>the water had just overflown the creek.</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>across the mud we'll surely trudge,</b><br />
<b>and even in the darkest days we'll strive,</b><br />
<b>I will never be in the position to judge,</b><br />
<b>as I'm barely breathing but fully alive.</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-5249914575426089992011-02-20T00:15:00.000-08:002011-02-20T00:15:16.420-08:00if you said you feel like flying, you definitely are flying right now.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVHZrDSPscyGllx2UwKmZUyCcfea2YGyc5QmDdPj-zyyfeOEhzACqEK8_onqeN4dsmMQaDhwm0gAHiE6keHxa3Lu3SCMlnc-nIlOTNEIZm4CVxqK2XZxBeEnFTNSNbJ3owkO-KG3UMtdw/s1600/185660_1867653888161_1145466856_32258138_1844663_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVHZrDSPscyGllx2UwKmZUyCcfea2YGyc5QmDdPj-zyyfeOEhzACqEK8_onqeN4dsmMQaDhwm0gAHiE6keHxa3Lu3SCMlnc-nIlOTNEIZm4CVxqK2XZxBeEnFTNSNbJ3owkO-KG3UMtdw/s320/185660_1867653888161_1145466856_32258138_1844663_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
if you said you feel like flying, you definitely are flying right now. but you know what? I'd catch each and everyone of you guys in case anyone falls. literally. if you're that lucky, you can make the most out of a pretty much screwed up plan to have a road trip. sometimes its better to just tag along. out of desperation and heartache i found myself in a hotel room with nine other individuals which seven of them I've met for the first or perhaps the second time in my life. first impressions aside, i really think they're awesome. i never thought i could meet a group of people that would make me feel comfortable being around them like they did. I'm glad i could share that with them since i never really had a tight group of friends. "what happens in Genting stays in Genting". all those crazy shit i went through that night will be the best memory for me. a shout out to Nazril,Bernice,Andy, Daniel,Danial,Emily,Brandon,Sophia and Chris that made that night an all time high. i would never look at a comb, toilet bowl and even maggi mee the same way again. thanks for an awesome night !<br />
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P.S: we're not wasting time, we're just spending out time wasted. at least you guys did. cheers. :)ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-51685239761154687492011-02-15T09:24:00.000-08:002011-02-15T09:24:12.607-08:00of muddy shoes and flying objects.well I've been writing the same way and about the same thing for quite awhile. i don't feel like it anymore. refresh! so I'll write about what i did today. turns out having a ton of free time ain't so boring after all. and its definitely fun. like today, with muddy shoes on a muddy field chasing flying objects. i never had a swollen knee before though i played football for years but managed to have one with Ultimate Frisbee ! had a great time with a bunch of great individuals. thank you Jac Kong for inviting me for the first session a few weeks ago. and if i can't make it to tomorrow's hangout i would like to wish you all the best in Aussie! the land down under with big men and hot ladies. pretty pretty nice.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxTSNb5wKc3HObwqZ7ltTJq4our1bnPKB29rc4PMvqkg96upAtUm9KqY38FwQQymvkdcvym7nN4WnMUKltPE-pq86oPaCGlwD4Zn-OGDeELWM8i5pLSrLspuMyD7JR100B3FOi2mwoMhU/s1600/181650_1823070345021_1488097935_1973464_2127996_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxTSNb5wKc3HObwqZ7ltTJq4our1bnPKB29rc4PMvqkg96upAtUm9KqY38FwQQymvkdcvym7nN4WnMUKltPE-pq86oPaCGlwD4Zn-OGDeELWM8i5pLSrLspuMyD7JR100B3FOi2mwoMhU/s320/181650_1823070345021_1488097935_1973464_2127996_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-14904273548504639262011-02-10T10:45:00.000-08:002011-02-10T10:45:37.752-08:00if i had my own world.<div style="text-align: center;"> <b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"if I had my own world, I'd build you an empire, from here to the far lands, to spread love like violence."</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;">from '<i>Secret Crowds</i>' by Angels And Airwaves.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;">these are just words written by Thomas Delonge. he doesn't have his own world. but then again, he used the word 'if'. well, what if i have my own world ? that would be fun wouldn't it ? i would have everything for myself. everything will be according to me and everyone would follow what i said. everyone would be entranced with with the rhythm of my bass guitar rather than dancing to the drum beat of the world. i would love that. but i'll get bored of it and it wont be fun at all after some time. not to mention illogical. so yeah.<br />
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but i would still want a world for myself. i am my own boss so i'll do what ever i want, right ? to start, i want to think like a miss universe. a miss universe must have a speech for world peace and such. so my world must have peace, solidarity, tolerance and a bunch of rebels who are radical enough to overthrow the government. nope, i wont make a good miss universe speech. in my own world, i don't want to have any unity campaigns to unite everyone. no propaganda of any sorts. they don't need them as they are already united. they're like the controlled version of the late John Lennon's vision of the world.<br />
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second of all, my world would have a plethora of produce ranging from the greenest of vegetables to the most succulent meats there is. no one would be hungry and no one would have the thought of creating a mega store that sells overpriced produce. that sounds almost perfect. not like Tom, i won't build an empire. not for anyone and not for myself. and i wont spread love as it'll make me sound like a hippie on LSD. but i have a certain idea for the community that i'll be living in. it's my world after all, right ?<br />
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here's the idea. i would want to have something in my own world that i can't have in the real world. the luxury of being surrounded by only the people you like, that makes you happy, genuine and think the same way as you do. its hard enough to find these people in the real world let alone being surrounded by a big group of them. but again, this is my world. same thing goes to the people i choose to be hostile with. in the real world, they are always there. what could i do ? they're in my circle of friends, i'll see them at my usual hangout spots, in social networks and some that won't just go away after being asked to disappear. in my world, they would all be banished. goodbye .<br />
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these are some partial ideas for a place i would call 'my own world'. but there's actually something wrong with it. its just too perfect. it defeats the purpose of my living. "<i>whats the point of winning, if there's nothing more to lose?</i>" said someone who i met 17 and a quarter years ago. the problems of the real world will bring out the best of a person. to face someone who has the audacity to stand up against me, to savour the moment when the air tremors and voice trembles as i walk pass the object of hostility or just to talk bad about someone just for the sake of talking bad about someone. that makes everything interesting wouldn't it ? well, that sounds like the world i'm living in right now. till then.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-64411188644337375912011-02-05T12:28:00.000-08:002011-02-05T12:28:38.615-08:00Sunday, '6th of February, 3:30 am.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>i would want to dedicate this post solely for what happened today. this post is about that moment. that life altering moment that will alter the course of my life. its something so beautiful but monstrous. its something so delicate but harsh. its something so honest yet offensive. its something precise but out of tune. its something good but sad. today my life had changed for the better.<br />
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i get it now. i really really get it now. today's pivotal moment for the better may prove to be ironic if i put it literally and not figuratively. well, to be exact my beloved red-and-white-clad boys who kick balls finally met their match earlier tonight. <b>Manchester United</b> finally lost a premier league game to the deserving 'giant killers' <b>Wolverhampton Wanderers</b> who currently occupy the 20th position in the league. that was the hardest blow for me this year. wow. its like a super tight smack on my left butt cheek.<br />
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maybe I'm just waiting for the right moment to make a change in my not-so-productive life. this might be ludicrous for some but who the heck cares. with symbolism in play and speaking metaphorically, the game earlier really did change the way i think. my life has been stagnant and at ease this past one and a half months. i haven't been doing the things that i said i wanted to do. the time has come for a change. that football team i supported sat comfortably on top for awhile. easing their opponents as they stay unbeaten. they got tamed as they tried to tame their underestimated opponent. they end up losing. and all of a sudden everything doesn't seem to fit in anymore. there's no more record to be proud of and there wouldn't be anything more for them to be proud of if they slipped. but that's just life. right ?<br />
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no more. i don't want to be that lazy ass who sits around in front of the computer all day staring and random pictures and confusing statuses. i want to live my life to the fullest doing the things that will make me proud at the end of the day. i want to be productive. i want to be fucking prolific for god's sake. i don't want to just be comfortable thinking that I'm at the top of my game while in reality I'm really not. i don't want to create a dodgy fantasy that might get me excited for some time and feel burdened when i snap back into reality. i want this to be real. and in reality, this fucking guy below is fucking happy tonight. till then.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjim6cUrL2b0LMHouLuy8xOnaN8vMnykfL76uLighGJT84q07ZTFULKmWDv019lkiUgxMH0qfRwXEJVQBQAsE4LBNDyja_hZDd_Ixd1gMU7A0gb9YQdQsWxFnUy2QV1c_-cK7HgcUlq284/s1600/Mick+McCarthy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjim6cUrL2b0LMHouLuy8xOnaN8vMnykfL76uLighGJT84q07ZTFULKmWDv019lkiUgxMH0qfRwXEJVQBQAsE4LBNDyja_hZDd_Ixd1gMU7A0gb9YQdQsWxFnUy2QV1c_-cK7HgcUlq284/s1600/Mick+McCarthy.jpg" /></a></div>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7094096135708955975.post-78366034368025204812011-02-03T14:23:00.000-08:002011-02-03T14:23:27.323-08:00when a letter decides to send another letter a letter.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">dear P, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> how shall i start this.okay, if you know me better you would know that i would never write someone a letter and the only time i write one is when i have to in order to finish a homework or to complete an exam. but this is some sort of an exception. random much ? nahh, i just cant beat you at being random.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> the first time i met you was when we bumped into each other late last year. you were with him and i was with her. those lovely individuals. how much i love the irony as we fast forward to the present. well, the first time we properly meet was on a Friday night over a fillet-o-fish and some chicken nuggets. to be honest i don't really like dining at McDonald's. especially the one in town. that place will jinx things and it brought back some weird memories. but either way, I'm glad that we met.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> there's this thing about you. you really trust me with things that were going on in your life back then though i was just another stranger. and likewise, i am comfortable enough to spill my guts out to you. though we barely knew each other, we shared both our personal issues. maybe that's the connection. it hurts just as bad and in that sense you're the only one who can be understanding. you helped me a lot. couldn't thank you enough for that.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> and you know what P, i really like hanging out with you. you're seriously awesome to hangout with. i tried to live by this quote -"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>stop making plans, start making sense</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">". well, you took it to another level. you could text me in the middle of the night and 20 minutes later we would be having dinner. or call me in the afternoon and 10 minutes later i would be on my way to pick you up to get an ice cream. its seriously a breath of fresh air that i really needed. whatever you do, don't stop what you're doing okay.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> i'm writing this in the name of appreciation. its only been two weeks but you helped me more that my closest friends did. i really appreciate that. without expecting anything in return you were always there for me. thanks again P. its been such a pleasure to have known you.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> your's truly</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> A.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span>ariff hilmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17878298562331071836noreply@blogger.com0