drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all i need : seconda parte.

your heart is kept in a box that's locked up in the attic with cobwebs and skeletons as decorations and a list of preferences written on a piece of paper sticky taped on the top of it. white, wide and elongated. not superficial, fake or fabricated. and of course, a smile to compliment her scent. the best grocery list ever made by the humblest human being ever known to man.

when you say something, you really mean it yeah ? even if you don't, they could still see that you're trying. and if it's true, it means that you're just being mean. if you really mean what you said that is. if they can't comprehend a single thing you say, fuck their thought for their thoughts are whores. if you don't care about something, only say it once. if you keep saying it and wait for their response, you're just being too caring.

don't you ever care what they say because to care more about yourself than others is not selfishness, it's just being sensible. and don't ever listen to them if they ask you to be yourself for you should be whoever you want to be. you be the judge whether that person is yourself or someone else. that'll make you happy. always remember that obligations lead to deprivation. and yeah, never be bright kiddo, be golden. :)

if life is an auction and conscience is the item, angels and demons would be the bidders.

for my mistakes are nothing but a curse.

for a curse explains this lousy streak of bad luck.

nonetheless, 'bad luck' would be the most pathetic excuse.

it is not my time now, not yet at least.

there are no locked doors in this place I call home.

but there are windows that spell 'opportunities'

and endless hallways with no light fixtures.

if I'm no where to be found, you shouldn't panic.
I might just be up in the attic, passing time gazing at the stars.

 preoccupied with my trusty telescope.

an ungrateful sinner's life is like a colourless kaleidoscope.

no matter how much he turns all he sees are shades of grey.

shades of grey that cloud his judgement.

for this brings the devil himself a sense of excitement.

p.s.: I've come to my senses, that I've become senseless.

Octopussies.

his fiery eyes set me on fire

as I profusely perspire gasoline.

a voice that desires to inspire

with gestures that are rather obscene.

thanks for changing my life,

thanks for keeping me clean.

thanks for the meaningful night,

and thanks for appearing in my dreams.

the tale of October will be written in history.

it's never the destination it will always be the journey.

a tale of falling down and growing up.

a journey of self-discovery without a doubt.

it took me months to find inner peace

and to mend all those broken pieces.

and for the seventh time I've told you that I'm done.
have faith in me, this time I won't run.
I have found my reason.

p.s.: I did change for the worst.
but ironically things got better.

stranger than fiction.

my brain is working at the speed of light

but until now nothing is conceived.

i am too much of a coward to fight,

to fight for the things i said i believe.

i am like a puppy. -when you throw i will retrieve.

i am like a sinner. -i cheat, i lie, i deceive.

i have masochistic thoughts over such simplistic issues.

i am the crosses you are the noughts.

i despise novels but i wish to read you.

i fell apart, broken down
into a quadrillion microscopic pieces.

disintegrate and dematerialize without reason.
i have a low self-esteem,
 i'll shy away from your shadows.
i am not as tough as i seem,
i am nothing more than a blunted arrow.
i am a bearer of negativity.
i am the king of contradiction.
a world with endless possibilities
is a realm stranger than fiction.

why should I change for the better when I can change for the worse ?

for those who had fallen.

they are nothing but weeds in a garden,
they are soon to be forgotten.

but its in your hands, your judgement

and if ever you have the power,

you would've mustered all your might to lift the curse.

"never lose hope my friend"

I said ironically.

I'm sure he'll resurface eventually.

mother once said.

"always be grateful in life my son"

she carried on with another one.

"dear, you'll never know when it will end"

when she finished I nodded,

I smiled and I pretended.

now I know better.

being away taught me a thing or two.

if you're not here then you might not have a clue.

to stand up on your own and sometimes for others,

to live a quiet life without my brother.

if you're that lively then you shouldn't be bothered

and if I'm writing letters my days would be numbered.
if I don't talk so much
I would've made it less awkward.

sweetest dreams and sweetest waves.

my most profound thoughts scatter,

pieces from back then to just now

flew like cut up papers in the presence of a hurricane.

call me grounded, call me insane,

I still do have those dreams.

but this time around its a wee bit brighter

and coloured with a few different characters.

give me cigarettes give me cocaine.
give me a beating if it matches the pain.
then tell me what it takes to be the greatest lover
or show me how to commit the perfect murder.
don't ask me why or even wonder.

I just know I changed for the worse
and never felt better.

why should we change for the better when we can change for the worse ?

of loyalty and friendship,

those were the days when we thought we have it,

a gift that we thought we'd keep forever,

a loosened tie that is bound to be severed.

the true purpose of your past

is just to fill up photo albums,

or maybe to occupy the back of your mind.

some things are meant to be cherished

and not to be re-lived.

and if it is ever brought up

calmly smile and say,

"I felt genuinely happy that day".

walk out the front door with a new pair of shoes

when you're out to make new ones

underneath the bright midnight neon suns.

like civilisations we spread,

we form new alliances and build new bridges.
it was not an act of betrayal,
not by the gentle giant towards the angry midget.
it just shows that they grow.
and when the crow starts mimicking,
the parrot turns ugly.

and on that point onwards
your world would be in shambles.

it is inevitable.
that's what you need to comprehend.

to love and to grow out of love,
to befriend and to fight,

to hold your head up high,
to fall and to cry all night,

to observe with my very own eyes
and to write this poem as I wonder why.

drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all i need.

for the past 5 months, I've been moaning, groaning, whining, shouting and rambling for one particular reason -to get on with my life. my life was stagnant, static and far from fantastic but now my life is epic. *smile* three words. "i love college". or maybe four words. "i fucking love college". what more can i say ? college cures heartbreak, college makes you popular, college colours a dull life, college encourages me to be outgoing.

however, my college life is not like that stereotypical and over-exaggerated college life. in oppose to that song from Asher Roth, i don't go to parties, i don't drink and smoke weed all night, i don't pass out drunk, i don't play beer pong and dance my ass off till i get a girl completely naked. but lets change those ''don'ts" to "haven'ts". so I'm not just saying 'not' it's more of a 'not yet'. get it ? nahh, I'm just kidding. but not for the last one though.

since I'm already moving on with life i can safely say that i am contented with my life. contentment. and elusive state for kids nowadays who always want more in life. well, try to expect less and in that way you'll receive more. then you'll be contented with what you have. I'm pretty pleased with my so-called college life. its not wild and rowdy but i sure am having fun. sleeping and waking up early is fun. pillow talks with my house mates is fun. getting beaten at 'marvel vs capcom' isn't that fun, but it'll be fun once i own them. having a large group of friends in campus is fun too. oh well, I'm just grateful with what i have now. till then.