Leave The Lies To The Liars.

first of all, I'm back to my old ways of writing a normal blog. my last 5 posts are in the form of poems that partly explain what I'm going through, what i felt and how I look at 'stuffs' in a new perspective. its like, looking at the world while wearing a cracked pair of dark shades. I can't see clearly what's going on as there are shades of grey that surrounds. but then again, it might be something better.

leave the lies to the liars. I made a resolution for this new year to not lie to myself anymore. not to be too hopeful on things that might not come true and basically be realistic about every single thing that's going on. not lying to myself by believing in the hope of something good that's going to happen but in reality there's none. but my resolution works two ways and they contradict each other. I did it again. I fucked myself up.

the other aspect of not lying to myself is to believe and trust my gut and my feelings. when I believe in something and that something isn't realistic, I can't just trick myself into shrugging it off or just plainly discard it out of my mind. that would be lying to myself wouldn't it? as much as I'm trying to look in only one direction which is forward I always catch a glimpse of the rear view mirror and most of the time, there weren't any cars at all. even then, I found myself looking at it twice.

I am not a screw up. I do have plans for the future. but to think of it, my future seems like one big past. I don't even know why am I trying so hard to recover what I lost. maybe it means a lot to me. maybe it means more that the world to me. I found myself hopeful for the first time in ages. something that I preached to my friends to not have -hope. oh how I wish I have the strength to go on or the power to turn back time to alter some things that happen. but I'm a human being. I don't have both. all I can do is to try and to try my best I will.