The Endeavour.

ever stared at a cupcake rising in the oven ? not the occasional peek but a full on stare from the point you put the cup inside the oven and close it till the timer hits zero. and would you wonder how it would turn out ? over-cooked, under-cooked, plain raw or perhaps absolute perfection. if you did.. this is the endeavour.

i can't help but to think as thinking is the only thing that made total sense.questions popped out like champagne bottles on a rich ass white bastard's wedding. sleepless nights ain't pretty and bloated tummies ain't ugly. the questions came in the form of "wh's" and a "hw". i.e. "why the hell do i have a tiring job that doesn't really pay much?" or "how the fuck can i get money for my college tuition fees?" or even better "what's fucking wrong with me?". maybe these questions got overlooked by them grown ups as they said, "teens never really are problematic, they just find problems to keep themselves occupied". well, no grown ups have ever said that, i just made it up. back to the point. life has been pretty mundane since 'it' ended. 'it' referring to school life. its like, being released from a cage only to find out that there is a bigger cage that surrounds. more risks to take, more paths to explore. if the glass is half empty for me i'd say my life is so fucked up right now i wish i'm back with my friends in school. and if the glass is half full for me i'd say at least the cage is bigger this time around. but i'm a realist not an optimist or a pessimist.

oh yeah, the cupcake metaphor. i take life as steps to make a cupcake. first you buy all the right ingredients, then you measure meticulously, you put tender love and care in making it, you beat the eggs, you zest the lemons, and you bake it at the right temperature and the timing must be spot on. all the hard work to make a perfect cupcake. but you know what ? at the end of the day, the cupcake with the most intriguing topping is the one chosen instead of the perfectly cooked and the delicious but rather dull one. most humans process what they saw prior to processing how they really felt about things. you get the point ? i hope you get it before i start rambling with my souffle metaphor. i don't even know why am i still asking the same one worded question that start and ends with a 'why'.

i would like to congratulate you if you managed to read up until this point. you have my utmost appreciation. i think i know what i need right now. maybe it's a necessity for you guys too. i need distractions. the best cure to counter depressive thoughts and paranoia. as in for now, my distractions are in the form of helping my mom managing my cousins everyday and my honest attempt in songwriting. its helps. well, i'm not that talented musically as i am only a self-taught guitarist and my words aren't the smoothest in town. but hey, at least i'm trying. i made a conclusion that music isn't the reason i breathe but it might be the reason why i am still breathing. my deepest appreciation to my friend who brought me into this world. thanks man, i owe you one.

thats it for now i guess. if i waste my words by expressing too much in a single post i'd be missing the point of blogging. this is not just the endeavour, this is my endeavour. have a nice weekend. till then.