why should I change for the better when I can change for the worse ?

for those who had fallen.

they are nothing but weeds in a garden,
they are soon to be forgotten.

but its in your hands, your judgement

and if ever you have the power,

you would've mustered all your might to lift the curse.

"never lose hope my friend"

I said ironically.

I'm sure he'll resurface eventually.

mother once said.

"always be grateful in life my son"

she carried on with another one.

"dear, you'll never know when it will end"

when she finished I nodded,

I smiled and I pretended.

now I know better.

being away taught me a thing or two.

if you're not here then you might not have a clue.

to stand up on your own and sometimes for others,

to live a quiet life without my brother.

if you're that lively then you shouldn't be bothered

and if I'm writing letters my days would be numbered.
if I don't talk so much
I would've made it less awkward.

sweetest dreams and sweetest waves.

my most profound thoughts scatter,

pieces from back then to just now

flew like cut up papers in the presence of a hurricane.

call me grounded, call me insane,

I still do have those dreams.

but this time around its a wee bit brighter

and coloured with a few different characters.

give me cigarettes give me cocaine.
give me a beating if it matches the pain.
then tell me what it takes to be the greatest lover
or show me how to commit the perfect murder.
don't ask me why or even wonder.

I just know I changed for the worse
and never felt better.